I just don't understand things anymore. I try to live my life without any drama and ESPECIALLY without other people's drama. I don't go inviting it in and for the life of me I don't understand why anyone else would invite drama into their life. I never claim to be perfect...I am far from perfect. I have made mistakes and I have learned from them and I know where I want to be in life and I know who and what makes me happy. I am not egotistical,conceited or stuck up. I have issues like any other woman. I have self esteem issues I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see (body type wise). Do I think I am pretty...sure I think I'm pretty...I know I'm not totally hideous. Do I think I am drop dead gorgeous or "hot"...NO!!! So for the life me I don't understand what other men see and why they stop to talk to me, I don't know what they are thinking when they ask if I'm single.I swear they are nuts and or blind. When a female compliments me and says they wish they could have my figure I beg them to take it. So over the years my boyfriend has gotten accustomed to men staring while he is with me in public, he is used to people asking me if I'm available and he's used to the cat calls. Only now after 4 years I think he's tired of it I think he hates it and is frustrated. I used to tell him if someone hit on me directly by actually speaking to me. I ignored the cat calls and the stares cause they are nothing and didn't matter to me. After a while, in a heated argument he informed me of exactly how fed up he was of knowing I was getting hit on...so I stopped telling him and I hoped he knew where my heart was and where I wanted to be. Somehow he opened the door a little and let drama into our happy little life. See today while out on my travels WITH MY 2 KIDS IN TOW...a man approached me and looked at my hand and asked if I was single. I politely told him that I was not that I was in a relationship. He asked if it was serious and I replied yes. He said that he could respect that and said I was very beautiful. I thanked him and that was it. I payed it now mind I didn't look back I went on my way and didn't think about it anymore....until he opened that door and someone said to him...I saw your girlfriend talking to a man in town in front of the pharmacy, she put something in her bag. So then it began...the drama,the questions. So I happily responded and said what had transpired and I said you asked me not to tell you anymore when someone hits on me you said you were tired of hearing about it as for the "BAG" you mean the plastic bag that had MY SONS MEDICINE!! Its on the bed at home I haven't touched it since I threw it there when I got home feel free to look in it!! I don't understand what people think they are trying to do by calling someone up and say "hey she was talking to a guy"guess what dip-shits I'm allowed to. I try to live my life as a "do unto others as you would have done to you" motto so if I saw someone I knew who seemed happy in a relationship talking to someone I wouldn't call their significant other and say "hey guess what" now if I saw them kissing passionately then that is different and would require some thought into  it like "what would Jesus do"  type of thing. Now although my boyfriend has handled it publicly and privately but that was after our confrontation together and to be quite honest that "drama" crept in through the door he opened and has rippled into a lot of mixed emotions. I don't know if the same emotions are there, I wonder if I still feel the way I used to when we first met...and then he holds me...and I can feel them but it hurts. It's like remembering a painful memory and I don't know what that means.