Midnight tales

    Insomniac: Humor

  I walk a lonely road at night. I sleep (perchance to dream) but only for a little while. I spend the rest of the hours with my racing thoughts, my wandering mind and my worries and my fears.  They keep me company in my hours of solitude and sleeplessness. Sometimes I pace the floor watching out the windows of my home like a caged bird. I stare at the outside world I envision all the people in their homes,in their beds off in dreamland. I watch a car or two pass by and wonder where they go at such a lonesome hour. I return to my bed to read or play a game with hopes that that can stop my mind and worries so that sleep can visit me again. My how the hours go by so fast. I wake at 3 and then I look again and it is 5...soon the kids will wake at 6.

  I got the brilliant idea to start and type my random thoughts and “wanderings” (don’t ask me why) like I am some great author that people would rush to read this. The ramblings of an insomniac cannot be that fascinating. I sit in my bed and I stare at my significant other and wonder what can I do to him tonight. Will it be a fabulous makeover to enhance his facial features or perhaps it will be a message that I write on his face in ink to share with my Facebook friends and family? There really is too many hours in the middle of the night and one does get bored with pacing the floor and staring out windows. Perhaps tonight will be the night to paint his toenails again. He is a Ravens fan I think he would enjoy the color purple with matching eye shadow. I truly have an interesting sense of humor and too much time on my hands at this hour. YouTube and Facebook provide me with numerous and interesting ideas for pranks.

   Sometimes these “activities” do bring the comfort and peace of making me forget my worries and tune out my racing thoughts. Although they do not bring me the comfort of sleep. There are some nights that my darling sleeping prince will be so kind as to provide some entertainment of his own for me. He will ever so lovingly (while in the middle of his visit to dreamland) blurt out and share his dream with me in conversation. I cannot be rude so I engage him and go along with his slumber ramblings and our midnight conversations go something like this. BRAD: “ They were coming for you”!  ME: “Who’s coming for me?” BRAD: “The knights and I can’t get to you.” ME “Keep trying you can do it. BRAD: “ No the dragon is there.”  I try to see how long I can do this before he wakes up and realize I’ve been messing with him while he dreams. Have I mentioned that I have too much time on my hands? I have...good so that disclaimer is covered.

  I also have share that I do not exclude or limit my jollies to just to my significant other. I am an equal opportunity kinda gal and will gladly extend such “activities” to any guest in my home. I have had a night that after putting baby powder on Brad’s face and it worked out so well, I did the same to his brother who was staying the night. Maybe this is why my brother won’t visit and has said that if he does he will be bringing NyQuil for me. Some would ask well what about the children surely they are subjected to these shenanigans? The answer is no. For although I am an equal opportunist there is an age requirement and that is at least 18 or older. That is merely as a precaution and a security measure for me so that should someone decide to kill me or retaliate they can be charged as an adult.  You have to think about these things and I have plenty of time to do so being awake all night.

  Now if after all this (wandering the house, pacing the floors, racing thoughts and drawing on people’s faces) IF sleep does decide to finally pay me a visit, it does so at the most inopportune time. Here I thought I had a unique sense of humor...well it seems Mr.Sandman has one too. For just as it is approaching that magical hour of 6 am when my loving children will be waking up (and so must I to prepare them for school). That is when my eyes begin to feel drowsy and I can feel sleep entering my mind. This usually takes place at 5:30 or 5:15 just enough time that if I do sleep it will feel like a minute has passed and it will be 6 am.  Somewhere I envision Mr.Sandman laughing gleefully at me in some remote corner. Now try as I might to be irritated with this little joke I must admit that I can relate for it is the same joy and laughter I feel when I am up to my own follies.  

  I am sure people are wondering “Liz why don’t you just read or watch TV?” You know like a normal person who doesn’t stare out windows at people’s dark houses or write on their loved ones faces. And to that I respond 1) “normal” is overrated and mundane and 2) I have read numerous books (like ALL 3 of the Fifty Shades of Gray, Shit my Dad Says and I Suck at Girls) in a matter of a night or two per book. So I do enjoy reading however it does not lull me to sleep like some would believe. Now as for TV...have you guys ever seen the crap that is on TV at 3 am!! Infomercials aside, there is only so much Top Gear,Golden Girls and Full House one can watch before you have seen every episode. So I end up flipping channels and watching numerous shows or movies that I have likely already seen for the 20th time. Now in a twist of irony and perhaps slight dementia brought on by my insomnia, I worry about the TV perhaps waking my dear loved one next to me. I know,I know...is this the same person who writes on their dear loved one and put things like baby powder on him? Yes...yes it is..ironic isn’t it. I didn’t say it was logic I clearly said,” in a twist of irony”. Yes by all means go back in the text and check I know you did.